This week has been particularly heavy for me as I’ve pondered on freedom–both my own sense of autonomy and choice as well as how I influence that same autonomy in others.
I’ve had some great experiences (like buying a car… the first time I’ve had my own transportation in almost three years! Knowing I can go wherever whenever has had a HUGE impact on my autonomy).
And I’ve had some very difficult experiences. Not bad. Just hard. I feel like the revolutions of my world are shifting and I fear the fallout those changes may cause among family and friends.
The largest area of impact has centered on “free will,” “living by one’s own rules,” and “undue restrictions.”
It is scary to shift from living by rules that were handed to you via family, religion, culture, etc. As we live by the rules given we have a certain amount of protection. 1–We’ll be accepted by those who have given and/or live by the same rules, and 2–If something goes wrong we can point at the rule giver and say, “It’s their fault!”
I know this isn’t a change that will happen in a week or even a month. Determining the rules I am willing to live by will take time. And I need to remember it’s fluid, non-linear process. There will be a lot of trial and error in the beginning. Like when the hubbs and I first set up a budget. We overestimated some categories and underestimated others. We overshot on spending and had to adjust things as needed. It was a process that took time and patience and forgiveness for oneself. This will be the same.However, when we begin to write our own laws, we set ourselves up for rejection from the rule givers and followers, and if something goes wrong we only have ourselves to blame. We take upon ourselves true accountability. Rejection and responsibility… scary.
My hope for farther down this process is to have a list of laws that I love, that work for me and bring me closer to achieving my desires and to living a life I can be proud of.
Like I said, heavy stuff.
How did your week go? What did you experience as you worked with your freedom spoke this week? (Remember: It didn’t have to be life altering to be valid or important!)
I really do love you guys so much! Thank you for taking this journey with me. For supporting me and allowing me to support you.
Hugs,
Deb
